• Guns N’ Roses, Chinese Democracy –- The good news –- apart, I suppose, from the fact that this quasi-mythological Axl Rose album is finally on sale (albeit exclusively at Best Buy) –- is that despite a handful of spotty live performances lately, during the lengthy run-up to this beast’s release, hair-metal’s Howard Hughes actually sounds like himself. That is, his unmistakable nasal wail, that octaves-apart menace no one does so well and those ear-splitting, blood-curdling high notes we came to expect two decades ago are all here, all convincingly conveyed.

Likewise, the array of pros he amassed amid his hermitage to create this ridiculously costly epic have been meticulously tweaked and tapered to ensure that his over-the-top vision at least measures up to former glory, which is to say it more or less picks up where the group left off. If you’ve been holding your breath these past 17 years since those two Use Your Illusions (the last new GNR material before the Sunset Strip giants splintered) were dumped on the world, worried that he might stumble embarrassingly, you may breathe easily now, confident that Axl has done right by the band’s legacy even without Slash’s or Duff’s help.

But, as with Kanye West’s latest, I don’t trust it even when it roars. He’s had more than a dozen years inside 14 studios to achieve Democracy –- who knows how these tracks came to be, or how far back some of these vocals date? By its very nature the disc presents a false reality, a head trip of no discernible time, though that’s fairly fitting for such an insular, insecure artist. What really sinks it, then, is its heft –- this thing is arguably more bloated than the Illusions combined.

Every slow-churning, self-reflecting winner like “Better” or “I.R.S.” is countered by boring bombast like “Madagascar” (which resorts to samples of Martin Luther King to make its epic point) or the laughable ballad “This I Love,” which sounds remarkably similar to the “Dracula” rock opera Jason Segel’s character struggles with in the course of Forgetting Sarah Marshall –- only played straight. Instead of venturing to the edges of rock just when the genre could really do with an unhinged madman wreaking havoc, too often Axl simply sounds like he’s trying on disguises –- now he’s Rob Zombie, now he’s Trent Reznor, now he’s indulging some dated trip-hop –- or, worse, merely recycling a style that bands from Avenged Sevenfold to Hinder do just as well these days.

Ultimately, Chinese Democracy is what so many expected –- just another GNR album, half-engaging, half-crap, with none of it conjuring the thrilling rush of Appetite for Destruction. It’s to Axl’s credit that it’s more than competent –- that it isn’t the disaster so many naysayers wanted it to be after so long in the pipeline. But did he really think he’d fool us into considering it a lost masterpiece just by sitting on it forever? Grade: C+

(Also, don’t forget to register for your free Dr. Pepper. The soda maker promised to give away a can of its carbonated go-go juice to every American citizen if Chinese Democracy ever arrived. They’re making good on that boast — though you have to register within 24 hours of the album’s release, aka NOW, and wait six weeks for a free-can voucher.)

Previously:

• Axl Rose, still the top gun — GNR at Gibson Amphitheatre, 2006
• Duds N’ Poses — GNR at Inland Invasion, 2006

Posted in: Album Reviews • Guns N' Roses |

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